This How To Heal Emotional Trauma workshop is brought to you by the fantastic Youtuber Lavendaire.
Make sure that you download her healing workbook as well.
It's really good and will help you out in your journey of healing past wounds.
If you been to our site before, you know that we use to turn the video into text, so that people who want, can choose to read it.
Let's begin Lavendaire's healing workshop!
The stories that we tell ourselves are what define and restrict us.
But we have the ability to change that story!
To start with, you need to be aware of the stories you tell yourself in your mind.
Today I will share with you how to recover from your past pain, your accumulated feelings and limited thinking.
Especially how to get back control of your story.
Write your new end and transform your life for the better.
If you want to know all the steps, keep watching!
Hello my loved ones..
Welcome to Lavendaire!
Happy to see you!
Today we are going to talk about treating past wounds.
This is an additional workshop I offered as a bonus in my Create your dream life course, that I started last year.
So if you took that course, this is the same workshop but with a little update.
Before I start I want to say I am not expert in any of this.
I did not study psychology or anything like that.
I am just a person who has read many self development books and spiritual books.
And I went through my own healing journey from pain in the past.
I only share things that have helped me on my journey to work on my problems.
And it really helped me to recover!
I recovered a lot during the past eight years.
The first thing I want to highlight, is the fact that no one is perfect!
Nobody lives an ideal life.
Nobody lives an ideal life.
Everyone has their problems.
I have grown to believe that you are destined to face problems in your life.
It is written for you to suffer in some ways.
Because it is only through suffering, through hardships and challenges you grow up and learn something.
Become a better and stronger version of yourself.
So I believe that life is not perfect.
You are destined to suffer, but you are also destined to enjoy your experiences in life.
We are supposed to see our suffering on a positive side.
From this point, came this session today.
Here is a quote for you to think about.
The wound is where the light enters you -Rumi
When I first heard this quote, I said Wow!
How beautiful and deep it is.
It is something that you will understand more when you try it.
When you've experienced some sort of healing.
You Need Darkness To Appreciate Light
The wound is where the light enters you!
From darkness the light comes!
If you think about it.
From soil, that is dark and wet, comes the most beautiful things.
Like flowers, trees and plants.
This is how the world works..
There is this balance.
You need darkness to get to the light.
Because you need something to compare it to.
They are related to each other.
If everything is bright, this will be normal.
If everything is perfect, you wouldn't appreciate it.
And you really need to experience the darkness, in order to be grateful for the presence of light.
Another thing I want to talk about..
Never Judge People's Pain
Do not judge people by their suffering and the challenges they went through.
Not to say, oh, you should not complain about your suffering or trauma.
Because they are not worse than other people's traumas.
Yes, there are different levels of trauma and wounds.
We are not here to judge who is better and who is worse.
Everyone has different levels of pain and different tolerances.
You just have to think about your level only!
Different Kinds of Pain
All this is related to the worst pain felt, on all your experiences in life to this day.
You might have a simple experience, like dismissal from work or a separation.
Those things will hurt you very much because it is the most painful to this day.
If you have many difficult experiences in your life, if you go through a lot of shocks, things will stack up.
So do not judge others with their pain and problems.
The reason why this concept of associated pain is important is that it all starts in our childhood.
When we were children, we hadn't had many experiences in life, good or bad.
So, anything we went through, all the painful experiences we experienced in our childhood becomes even bigger.
We conceal it inside us, for that reason.
A a lot of psychological problems and genetics stems from the things that happened to us when we were young.
Things we kept inside, stories we started telling ourselves of things that happened in the past.
So it is important to go back to the beginning of your childhood.
Then you will begin to understand your story.
Let's move on to how to heal from it then.
How To Heal Our Past Pain and Soars
First comes awareness and understanding.
Then sympathy and forgiveness.
Finally learning and converting, by the way, I'm ordering this to six sections.
I also made a book that you can download from this link
I want you to write your answers and notes with me.
So the first step to healing, is awareness.
This thing is big, because not everyone is emotional conscious, and know what needs to be healed.
So ask yourself, what childhood stories or traumas stuck in your memory?
It may not seem like important memories, but the truth is, if you remember it, it means it is important.
So let's write all the events and stories that comes to your mind.
For me, one of the greatest pain in my childhood was the feeling that I was unloved and unimportant.
I felt that my parents were not interested in me.
They threw me on the side.
My mom was very busy working all the time.
My father always traveling to and from China, so I didn't spend much time with him.
But at a certain stage in primary school, he went on a business trip and never returned.
He stopped calling and there was no communication or explanation.
I felt left up.
I felt that he never cared about us, and that left a DEEP WOUND.
First Step To Healing Starts Here
So in this first step, you have to be honest with yourself!
Give yourself some time.
Perhaps you will start to remember more after you start.
But this step is really the key to starting the healing process.
The second part is understanding.
Now that the event is in the past, give yourself some space and some distance away from it.
How do you look at the situation from a logical and non-neutral view?
From here, you'll start to discover the various aspects that you can see in your situation.
Stuck In Only One Perspective?
It is likely that after you experience a painful experience, you have gotten stuck in viewing it from only one perspective.
For example. I looked at my experience with one look in the same way in my entire life.
Only when you start looking at the new aspects, you'll begin to realize that oh, maybe what you thought was not the whole truth.
Maybe it was all in my head.
Keep in mind any other wrong beliefs you made in this time, which you know are true.
What else was your misconception?
Looking at the facts in that time, my father came to the United States to get a chance, he met my mother, they got married.
They then got me after that.
He was traveling back and forth between China and the United States for work at that time.
People were coming to the states because they thought there were a lot of opportunities here.
Then China got bigger and it became prosperous economically, so my father returned there and stayed there.
There was a point of view in his speech when we wanted to move with him to China and live there.
But my mom's whole family is here and she really wanted to stay in the states.
I also wanted to stay in America.
I think that going to school in the states was a better choice for us.
This is one example of another aspect of this specific situation.
Asian parents are awful to communicate. (my opinion)
They think children don't understand anything, so they do not say anything to children.
Both of my parents are really bad at communicating in general, so I can see how nothing has been told.
The children were not notified of anything.
And this was not because he didn't care about us per se, but a lot of other factors happened at the same time.
Exercise To See New Aspects of Things
I hope this exercise helps you to understand your position more clearly, and that you are being able to see new aspects of the situation.
Look at all the possibilities of what might be true, instead of just your point of view, or one of your assumptions.
The next part is sympathy
Let's start with sympathy for the soul.
You must be sympathetic to yourself.
What would you say to your younger self, who is going through this thing?
If you would come back and look at your younger self with love and kindness, what do you say to him/her?
Will you hug her?
Of course, you will embrace him/her.
You will tell him/her that he/she is beautiful.
No matter how difficult it is at that moment, he or she will get over it.
Being able to see your little self with love, is a big part of the child’s healing.
We all have a kid inside who wants to be loved.
That kid wants to feel important and valuable, so what do you say to this person?
What do you say to that smaller version of yourself?
This exercise itself is very powerful to heal and to be able to see yourself with love and affection.
The next part of the sympathy segment is sympathy for others in your story.
I don't know how many people there are in your story, but try to feel sympathy for every person in your past.
This may be really difficult for some of you!
This may be really difficult for some of you, depending on your story, depending on how deep your wounds are.
You may feel that it is impossible to sympathize with a specific person.
This may just not be possible, and that's okay, maybe just because you're not ready yet.
And you will probably be ready for it in a few years to come.
It is a long process, guys.
So to feel sympathy for others in your story, you need to learn how to put yourself in their shoes and to ask yourself: “Why did they do what they did?”
Maybe they were having a hard time because harming people hurt people, right?
There is a term for wounding generations, Like generations of people hurting each other, And harm each other in this negative cycle.
So you can start with sympathy, then you'll see if you have room for loving this person in your heart.
A Good Example From a TV Show
An example I recently saw was: I don't know if you're watching Queer Eye?
There is one episode with a man in a wheelchair.
It is very inspiring.
Anyway, this guy was shot and was able to confront the man who shot him, six years later, after being paralyzed from the waist down.
The paralyzed man spent years wondering, “Why did this happen to me?“.
It is really frustrating not to know that.
So when he finally managed to confront the man who shot him and got some clarity, he realized that this man had shot him because he was afraid that he would be shot himself.
You see, they were in this situation where many people were carrying guns, and the man shot him in self-defense.
After hearing that, he didn't even need an apology.
The man ended up in a wheelchair was saying, “Do you know what? I would do the same if I were in your situation.
I understand and thank you.
Thank you for what you did to me.
This really showed how, if you were able to empathize and put yourself in someone else’s shoes, you may be able to understand why they did what they did.
Check out the scene here if you want
You may feel less pain and distress because of this.
The Most Important Part: Forgiveness
The next part is huge, and it is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is very important and this is something I had to do in my twenties, just learning to forgive my father.
Learn to forgive anyone who'd hurt me in the past.
You see, I knew that forgiving others for hurting you, is learning to forgive yourself.
It is learning to give up the burden you have placed on yourself all these years.
When you hold a grudge or when you feel pain for something, that weighs you down.
This hurts you more than the person who did that to you, a long time ago.
These people have gone on with their lives, and if you still carry this pain with you, that is not helping anyone.
Learning to forgive is part of self-love.
If you love yourself, you don't want to be in pain again.
So, simply learn to let go, through forgiveness.
One Step at the Time
However, forgiveness might also need to be taken in steps.
It is not always easy, but the truth of the matter is: Whatever hurts you, is in the past.
You live today right?
So anything in your past, if it does not serve you, if it does not help you, then there is nothing wrong with throwing it away.
Oprah has a quote:
“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.” Oprah
The past will not be different.
It will be the same.
What you can change is your view of the past, how you respond to your past.
Will you keep letting you hold you back?, or will you learn to let it go and forgive?
Find it in your heart.
Some love, some positivity, some way to forgive others who hurt you, then continue with your life.
Trust me, after learning to forgive, you will feel freedom in life!
No grudges, nothing holds you back.
You can be your best self for the first time ever.
Next Up: Learning
This next part is learning.
This is where we take everything we just did, awareness, understanding, Sympathy, forgiveness, and start to look after how all this have developed in our lives to help us learn a lesson.
Perhaps there are many lessons.
What have these experiences taught you?
what did you learn?
what did you gain?
How did you get stronger and better because of this?
We are strong, not despite our challenges and our pain, but because of our challenges and our pain.
This is the key to life.
For this reason, it does not make sense to live a life where you avoid challenges and avoid pain.
Most of us like to stay in our comfort zone.
However, you guys know, if you've been watching Lavendaire long enough, growth occurs outside your comfort zone.
And the pain is uncomfortable.
It is the worst state of discomfort, (if there is some kind of measurement).
And the more painful or uncomfortable the experiences are, the greater the ability to change you.
And I didn't say “The Power to Improve You”, because this decision is up to you.
You can choose to leave a really painful experience to change you for the worse, It makes you sad, depressed and very angry.
Or, you can choose to let it change you to be stronger, wiser, and more positive.
Everything in life is here for us.
It is simply a shift in our perspective.
Turn Your Pain to Your Gain
Instead of complaining about all the problems you have, understand that your problems are here for you, to help you.
They are here to make you better and stronger.
This is the part of the healing where you benefit from all of these lessons.
So do not let these lessons go to waste.
Otherwise, if you do not learn these lessons, you will repeat the same problems.
You will repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
This is why some people seem to be cursed by bad luck, because psychologically, they went through them, it was very painful, but that's what makes them feel comfortable.
That is what they know.
And so they go from one abusive relationship to another abusive relationship.
There are certainly other reasons, and there is more to it.
But yes, do not put yourself in that position.
Be careful and learn from your pain.
This is also about the significance of your trip, where you can begin to be grateful for your pain.
So you start to feel grateful for what you went through because it is what reconfigured you into a better and stronger version of yourself.
Gratitude is really a big part of the entire healing process.
But I really think it happens every step of the way.
Transformation – The Final Part
Finally we got to the last part, which is transformation.
First, let's talk about rewriting your story with a love look.
This was the second podcast episode ever to have talked about it.
It is so important that I want to forward it, because this is the point on your journey where your story could have been viewed from the perspective of love.
To be viewed from a more holistic perspective, instead of the narrow view that you may have had in the past.
Rewrite Your Story.
Write it in a way that will help you and assist you in your life.
Ask yourself the question, “Where is love in my story?”.
For example, I could start accepting my father as an imperfect person.
I understand that everyone makes mistakes and I don't hold that against them.
I can see that in the past, I have sentenced my parents as bad parents, for not being the perfect family that I watch on TV.
And now I can see that they were doing their best in what they were able to do at that time.
I can also see that there was a lot of love in my life, that I wasn't focusing on at the time.
You see, I didn't pick up on that, because I was focusing on my parents not being around.
My father left us and went to China.
My mom was always working.
However, my mom always left us at my grandmother's house.
I had many cousins, and many aunts and uncles always came in and out.
This was love!
I didn't realize that getting a big family is something that I considered normal when I was younger.
I thought that everyone had a large family.
But no, it's actually quite rare.
Now I really appreciate it.
The next part of your transformation is rewriting your limiting beliefs.
So ask yourself, “What are the limiting beliefs that I have from this experience?”.
You have to start to understand how these are the stories you told yourself, and the mentalities that came out of that experience.
Those stories did perhaps hold you back in different places in your life.
For example, my feeling that my parents didn't care about me, made me lack self-belief.
I was already a shy person, but the fact that you know they were very busy with their lives, I really felt invisible.
This in turn affected my social life, because I felt that others did not want to be friends with me.
I felt insecure, I felt uncomfortable.
I know that many of us deal with similar issues like this.
So it is a matter of understanding why you have concerns or worries, and how these things hinder you in your life.
Here you can start rewriting those bound beliefs.
Start transforming the stories you've thought about yourself for a long time.
So that you can become a better person.
A person who is not hold back by these limiting thoughts.
After all this internal work, and I know we've gone through a lot, you can finally take back your life.
Write a new ending for yourself.
This is what Lavendaire is about: Really making the life of your dreams, writing the end of your story.
I mean, what happened in the past is in the past.
We have done what we can to heal from what we can recover from.
Then left behind what we can leave.
All that remains for you is the present moment.
And to be able to ask yourself, “How do I want to live my life and move on from here?”.
What is the good thing that I will take with me and what is the bad thing I will leave behind?.
This is the way we live our lives, you know, step by step every time.
We take the good, we leave the bad, and heal from what we can.
Learn from what we can.
As I said in the beginning, life is not perfect! It is not supposed to be perfect.
Nothing about me has to be great all the time.
You are supposed to have highs and lows.
It is written for you, to test the pain.
What determines you, is what you do with this pain.
It is the way that this pain changes you.
Let it hold you back, or let yourself rise to a higher version of yourself.
I don’t know how to put it, but I hope I have made it very clear.
We are here to learn and grow.
We are here to enjoy the experience of living our lives.
Past wounds and trauma can very well be cured.
I hope this little workshop will help you guys.
Guys, I hope you liked this VERY long transcribed version of the video How To Heal Emotional Trauma.
Be sure to check out this smart young woman's Youtube-channel and website.